Beware the Kitchen Cupboard

Every family designates a kitchen cupboard for cleaning products. Ours contains Windex, shoe polish, 409, Ajax, Soft Scrub, Murphy Oil Soap, Pine-Sol (I love that smell!) and hidden in the rear of the cupboard, unused and untouched, a canister full of Raid Wasp and Hornet Killer. Printed on the can are dire warnings like "do not spray into eyes" and "do not use for unintended purposes." I'm sure Sam, Max and Henry could think of many unintended uses for this spray. It's a good thing, therefore, that it remains concealed and out of reach.

As an aside, pest control has always interested me. In fact, I took an aptitude test in 9th grade, and the results said I should either be a french horn player or a pest control specialist. I would love to drive one of those pest control vans with the big ant on the roof or a black widow spider painted on the side flashing its red hourglass at passing cars. Now to do so while playing the french horn? That would be really cool!

Anyway, growing up in Santa Cruz many years ago, our friend Steve was asked by his mother to use the dust spray to clean the beautiful, black, shiny Yamaha grand piano in the living room. Steve reached up into the kitchen cupboard and unwittingly pulled out the canister of Easy Off Oven Cleaner rather than the Endust dust spray. Not really looking at the spray canister, he asked his mother, "So how do I use this stuff?" His mother was folding clothes in the next room. "Just spray it all over the piano, dear, wait for 15 minutes, then wipe it off with a clean cloth," she answered.

Truth be told, Steve was simply following directions. Within moments after Steve sprayed the oven cleaner onto the piano, its surface started making a crackling sound like Rice Crispies. The piano finish was soon warping and bubbling. It dripped a thick, black fluid onto the shag carpet which coalesced and oozed its way into the den like a lava flow inching down a road in Hawaii. A mist formed and hovered over the floor at knee-level.

I will spare you the details of what transpired afterwards, but suffice it to say, the laundry remained unfolded, the family dog, Scruffy, developed a incurable skin ailment and Steve never had to dust again.